How Can I Help My Child Build Confidence at School?

When your child comes home from school feeling defeated, unsure, or full of self-doubt, it’s natural to want to lift them up.

We might say,
“You’re amazing!”
“Well done!”
“You can do anything!”

But sometimes, even our best efforts fall flat. Our child still doesn’t believe in themselves.
So what’s going on?

Let’s slow this down and look in a different direction — a deeper one.

What If Confidence Was Already There?

Most of us think of confidence as something we get—from praise, good results, achievements, or being good at something. But what if real confidence doesn’t come from any of those things?

What if it was already inside your child… and always has been?

Think about it. Your child didn’t learn how to be confident enough to walk or talk. They just kept trying—falling, bumping, wobbling—and didn’t give up.
They weren’t doubting themselves. They were just following something natural and powerful within.

That’s the confidence we’re pointing to. Not confidence in a particular task—but the deeper kind.
The kind you’re born with.

A Metaphor: The Ocean Beneath the Waves

Imagine your child is an ocean.
The surface—what’s visible—is their behaviour, emotions, and thoughts. Sometimes calm. Sometimes stormy.

But underneath, there’s a deep, still, powerful place that doesn’t get disturbed by the waves on top.

That’s their true confidence.
It can’t be broken, stolen, or lost—only covered up for a while.

When your child feels uncertain, it’s like they’re focused only on the choppy waves above. They’ve lost touch with the depth below.
Our job as parents?
To help them remember what’s underneath.

Why Praise and Encouragement Don’t Always Work

We’ve been taught to build kids up with praise.
But sometimes kids can see right through it.
They hear, “Well done!” or “You’re amazing!” and it doesn’t land—because inside, they feel uncertain. And now they think they’re supposed to feel good, but don’t. That adds pressure, not peace.

What they really need isn’t more words.
They need to see that we trust in their natural resilience.

That we know they’re capable.
Not because they’re always succeeding, but because they’re already enough—right now, even when they’re struggling.

Stop Looking in the Wrong Direction

When your child says, “I’m not good at this,” or “I’ll never get it,” they’re listening to a noisy mind that’s temporarily forgotten the truth.

We all do it.

We get lost in thought.
We think confidence feels a certain way—like being happy, sure, and on top of things.

So when we don’t feel that way, we assume confidence is missing.

But it’s not missing.
It’s just hidden by the noise.

Pointing Them Back to Their Wisdom

Here’s what’s truly magical: your child already has everything they need inside them.

Not just confidence—but wisdom.

There are two kinds of intelligence:

• Learned intellect (what we gather from school, books, and lessons), and

• Innate wisdom (an inner knowing, common sense, intuition).

Your child has both.
And often, their wisdom is more powerful than the facts they’ve memorised.

You’ve probably seen it:
A moment where they say something that stops you in your tracks.
A creative solution you never thought of.
A knowing that seems to come from nowhere.

That’s wisdom. That’s self-reliance. That’s confidence from the inside out.

How You Can Support This (Without Getting in the Way)

You don’t need to boost their confidence. You just need to stop getting in the way of it.

Here’s how:

• Trust them. Fully. Let them feel your quiet confidence in their ability to work things out.

• Don’t rush in with answers. Let them think. Pause. Give space.

• Ask more than you tell. “What do you think?” “What feels right to you?”

• Remind them gently: “Even if it feels hard right now, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”

• Stay grounded yourself. The calmer and more open you are, the more your child can access their own calm and clarity too.

You Have This Inside You Too

This might be new to you. That’s okay. We weren’t taught this growing up.

But that same deep confidence and wisdom is in you too. It’s what lets you show up, try again, figure things out, and love your child the way only you can.

So next time your child is struggling with confidence, try something different.

Don’t try to add something to them.

Just help them see what’s already there.

I offer 1:1 coaching programs to help parents and young people navigate challenges with more clarity and ease.
If you’d like support, head over to myyoungmind.com to find out more.