Why do teens vape?

It’s hard to watch your child do something that doesn’t align with their best interests — especially when they’re doing it just to feel accepted. For many parents, vaping or smoking isn’t just about the nicotine — it’s about seeing their child lose themselves to fit in.

You might find yourself asking: “Why would they do that? They’re smarter than this.”

But from your teen’s point of view, it’s not about being smart. It’s about being seen. It’s about avoiding the awkward feeling of being left out. About not being the only one who says no. It’s about belonging.

Fitting In vs. Being Yourself

In those moments — when the vape or cigarette is passed around, when the pressure builds — the desire to feel part of something is stronger than the quiet whisper inside that says “this isn’t really me.”

And that whisper? It gets drowned out when they’re caught up in a noisy state of mind. When they don’t feel secure in themselves. When they forget who they are.

The Real Issue Isn’t the Vape

It’s what the vape represents: a fast track to feeling okay. Cool. Accepted. Safe.

When a teen doesn’t feel solid inside, they’ll reach outside themselves for a quick fix — a way to temporarily patch the discomfort. In their mind, saying yes means fewer risks: no rejection, no embarrassment, no standing out.

It’s not a conscious decision. It’s a reaction.

So What Can You Do as a Parent?

It’s tempting to lecture. To worry. To clamp down.

But what your teen really needs is something different. They need a reminder — not of the dangers (they probably already know) — but of their wholeness. Their wisdom. Their enough-ness.

They need someone who sees through the behaviour and back to who they really are.

And that starts with you.

How Can You Help Your Teen See They’re Already Enough?

You don’t need to convince them with words. You show them — in the way you listen, in the way you see them beyond the mask they’re trying to wear.

Here are a few ways parents can point their teen back to who they really are:

1. See past the behaviour.

When your teen vapes or talks about wanting to fit in, it’s tempting to react to the behaviour. But underneath it is a feeling — a search for belonging, confidence, or security.

Instead of saying, “Why are you doing that?”, try something like:
🗣 “It makes sense you’d want to feel like you belong.”

This tells your teen: I see you. I get it. You’re not broken.
That alone brings down their defences and reconnects them to something deeper inside themselves.

2. Don’t make them wrong for feeling how they feel.

Your teen doesn’t need to be talked out of their feelings. They need space to feel what they feel without judgment.

You might say:
🗣 “It must be hard when it feels like you have to be someone else just to fit in.”

This tells them: You’re allowed to feel unsure. And it doesn’t mean anything bad about you.

3. Hold a steady mirror.

Even when your teen can’t see their strength, you can. Be the mirror that reflects their resilience, humour, kindness, or insight — even in small moments.

🗣 “I noticed how thoughtful you were with your little brother earlier. That’s who you really are, even when you’re having a rough time.”

It’s these moments that plant seeds. They may not say much in response, but they’re listening.

4. Stay connected, not corrective.

You don’t need to give them a motivational speech. Sometimes all they need is your calm presence. A quiet ride in the car. A moment of laughter. A simple, “I love you. No matter what.”

That feeling of connection — not the words — reminds them of their true self.

And one last thing to remember:

Your teen’s wellbeing is never gone. It’s just covered up by a storm of thoughts and feelings in the moment. Like the sun behind the clouds, it’s still there.

You don’t have to drag them into the light. You just sit beside them, quietly reminding them:
"You're not your mask. You're not your habits. You're more okay than you think."

That’s how they remember who they already are.