Why Isn’t My Teen Motivated? Understanding What’s Really Going On

You might hear it daily:

“I can’t be bothered.”
“I’ll do it later.”
“It’s too hard.”

And as a parent, it’s hard not to feel frustrated. You want to help. You want to motivate them. But here’s the truth: most of us misunderstand motivation — and so do our teens.

Let’s slow it right down.

1. “I can’t be bothered” is just a cloud — not a stop sign.

Every human has unmotivated thoughts. “I don’t feel like it.” “I’m not in the mood.” That’s normal. The problem isn’t the thought — it’s believing it means something important.

Imagine this: You’re walking along a path and a thick fog rolls in. Suddenly, you can't see clearly. It feels uncomfortable. So, do you sit down and wait for it to pass — or do you keep walking anyway?

Your teen is often sitting in that fog, waiting for it to lift. But the fog (their mood) isn’t a stop sign. It doesn’t have to decide what happens next. They can still move, still act, still do — even with the fog there.

Our state of mind is like the weather. It’s always changing. We just don’t realise that.

2. It’s Not the Task That Feels Heavy — It’s Their Imagination of It

Another reason motivation drops? We think something will be too hard or too boring or not worth it. But here’s something we often forget:

We can’t feel the future.

We’re not actually reacting to the task — we’re reacting to the movie playing in our heads about the task. A made-up version in our imagination. And we believe it.

But the future can’t come back in time and tell us how something will go. What your teen is feeling isn’t reality — it’s their current thinking about reality.

And that thinking can shift.

Just because they found something hard once, doesn’t mean they always will. Just because they felt unmotivated this morning, doesn’t mean they will in an hour.

Motivation doesn’t come from pushing or forcing. It comes from insight. From understanding that feelings come from thought in the moment — not from the task, not from their ability, and not from the future.

What can you say to your teen?

• “It’s okay to feel like you can’t be bothered — but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”

• “Your feelings are like weather — they shift. You don’t need to wait for sunshine.”

• “You're not feeling the future. You're feeling a thought. That thought will pass.”

Help them see that motivation isn’t something they need to wait for. It's not lost. It’s always there — underneath the fog.

Would you like help supporting your teen? I offer free 30-minute discover sessions where we can discuss how I can help you. Book your free call.